May, 2003:
using up / running out

In a rather insignificant way, this was, for me, a very significant month. It was during this month that the last tube of toothpaste that long ago began to be supplied to me as part of a research project ran out.

That project started about thirteen years ago, meaning that for the past thirteen years I haven't had to buy toothpaste, using instead what has come out of a plain white tube, which was actually (and easily verified by taking off the white covering on the tube) Crest toothpaste.

I have no particular preference of toothpastes - pretty much any type will do, and if it's free ... who's complaining. But after thirteen years, even if I haven't developed any particular attachment to it, it's become part of me, and I've identified myself with it. And it's not as though I've used all of the tubes given me: at the outset both Tzippi and I used it, until she discovered that she needed a different sort, leaving me with a tremendous amount for my use alone. Later a number of tubes were given away to worthy charitable causes, or to visitors who needed a tube or two. And in the end Eitan helped me out with the last few tubes. But for me it was very consistent - plain white tube after plain white tube, until it had definitely become a habit.

And habits are, almost by definition, defining aspects of our being. I'm not sure how long it takes until something becomes a habit - something that we've become so used to that breaking from it carries with it feelings of discomfort, a strangeness that demands adjustment, even if in the long run that adjustment would be for the better. It's probably years. Interestingly, I have no problem adjusting to the new toothpaste (or to a new anything whenever I start using it). Adjusting isn't the problem - making the break is.