no rosebud there

As I rifled through many of the objects in Bennie's apartment I found myself opening, again and again, the full and messy drawers. It wasn't that I was attracted to the objects in those drawers, but instead that I was fascinated by how those objects so suddenly underwent a fundamental change. Only shortly before, when I'd looked in these drawers I'd seen a story to be told, even if it wasn't a story that I knew how to read. Now, however, these were no longer objects which someone might be intending to use, or organize, or reflect upon. Perhaps they still wanted to tell a story, but it became a story that was detached, aloof, voiceless. Some of these objects had continued to be used right up until Bennie's death, while others had probably been forgotten, or at least went untouched, for many years. Whichever, they were no longer attached to someone who might give them meaning. Almost overnight they changed into objects that were simply left over, objects that had been left behind.

What was in these drawers? Hardly anything of special significance. Mostly they were filled with objects that if they were to be thrown out, nobody would have cried, or objected. There were markers, a couple of postcards, stamps, scotch tape, lots and lots of small change, keys (often for unidentified doors), a hole punch, paper clips, staples and thumb tacks, batteries, electrical plugs, numerous receipts, optalgin tablets, a photocopying card - and lots lots more, including quite a few objects that are extremely hard to identify.

One drawer might be called a tool drawer, though much of what was in it could hardly be considered tools, or at least workable tools. Yes, there ws a hammer, a plier, a pocket knife, a very old hole punch, a ball of string, even a fork. But there were additional items that were harder to categorize - a rusty and considerably out of shape slinkey, for example, and numerous items wrapped and/or held together with rubber bands.

Is being fascinated by these objects justified? It's not as though there aren't other objects through which we can get to know and remember Bennie. But these other objects are both public and purposeful, and perhaps for that reason interest me less.